Let’s face it: Live-Tweeting is almost never cool.
Think of anything you’ve ever done. Any time you’ve gone to a concert, seen a movie, gotten ready for the day, prepared a bowl of cereal, taken a multivitamin. Would you like to give all of your Twitter followers a play-by-play of these unadventures? If so, you’re in the same category as these guys:
5. Any Sporting Event
“B.S. call!” “J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!” “That pass did not deserve a fumble.” Are you interested in any of these observations? Then you’re probably watching the game in the first place. Too often, we’re subjected to the color commentary of the armchair quarterback who, by definition, either has no idea what he’s talking about, or uses the miraculous skill of hindsight to feel like they have a thought worthy of a tweet.
Pittsburgh Pirates fans have likely provided the most ridiculous amount of live-tweeting in 2013, since their team advanced to the playoffs for the first time in about 20 years. While their excitement is warranted, we’re pretty sure the entire city has heard the news. Still, hashtags of “#RTJR (Raise That Jolly Roger)” are all over the place, as are “3-2-1-win” and other taglines that don’t make Pirates spectators at all unique. If you decide to tweet about something you saw on ESPN, you will–at best–receive a response of “Uh, yeah, I know.”
4. A Couple Arguing
Comedian Kyle Ayers was presumably tired and bored one night, after dealing with hecklers earlier at his stand-up show, when a fight broke out between two young lovers on the roof of his Brooklyn apartment. Where some see the dissembling of a romantic bond, Kyle saw opportunity. This had all the promise of becoming a great source of entertainment. Unfortunately, it was the stuff of every relationship argument ever.
Such gems as “You think I'm immature? Calling people immature is immature!” were among the highlights of this altercation. Basically, the Yankees v. Red Sox debates you had with your friends are more worthwhile. Of course, nothing exciting happened with this live-tweet, and the argument ended with, “F*ck, I’m tired.”
3. The State of the Union Address
So you’ve bragged to your friends that you’re the more “enlightened” of the bunch because you watched C-SPAN for this one hour out of the entire year. You’ve heard the president (doesn’t matter which one) spin his policy and accomplishments, getting applause from one half of the room, and silence from the other. Not only is this whole shindig quite predictable, but (not unlike sporting events) if you’re at all interested, you’re already watching it live. And hey, if you’re lucky enough to be there in person, more power to you.
What about all of the side conversations and snickers, though? Are there any crazy shenanigans or snide remarks I’m missing from the House floor?
…asked no one, ever.
2. TV Shows
Some people don’t really care much about spoilers. After all, some plot point from a piece of Hollywood fluff isn’t exactly going to ruin your life.
If, however, you live-tweet a show like GLEE or Breaking Bad, you may find yourself alienated from the watercooler. No one wants you to render their DVR obsolete, or say the same thing everyone else is thinking (e.g., “Walt tackled Jesse to save him!”). In fact, we don’t really want to hear anything you tweeted about our favorite show since, you know, we’re busy trying to watch it.
1. Your Experience Riding a Train
Back in 2010, ABC-7 Washington reporter Stephen Tschida was riding Amtrak from D.C. to Philadelphia only a couple days before Christmas. A wire fell into the train’s path and stranded its passengers. What perspired from here was a living hell. And no, I’m not talking about Tschida’s trip.
A string of over 40 tweets, about one every 10-15 minutes, was sent to Stephen’s followers regarding his location, inter-passenger politics, and conspiracy theories surrounding the train’s crew.
“Oh god, lights went out. Train totally dead. No one is telling us anything!”
“1 man grabbed intercom demanded answers. Another started screaming we have 2 get home.”
Wow, this is a scene right out of World War Z. Okay, it was probably more like a scene from Planes, Trains & Automobiles, but this broadcast showcases how high our expectations can be for an outdated transportation system.
In addition, this reporter showcased how his boring story is more important than how it was told, including a multitude of misspellings and run-on sentences. Surely, a professional could figure out how to properly condense his thoughts.