How to Become a World-Class Communicator with Marcus Sheridan

Yeah. Well, I really appreciate that. And these are good questions, because people don’t normally ask me these questions. And I’m not just telling you that, Shane. I’m serious. You’ve got a great observer’s gift as well, I would argue. I’d say the biggest element to this is, I literally see the world in the form of a question.

Let me give you a couple examples of this, just looking on a level we all understand—which is child-parent. Most parents today, if a child comes up and asks a question, they give an answer. Why? Why do most parents give an answer?

There are two reasons. The easy answer—the one a lot of people would initially say—is efficiency. Quickness. And that’s true. But it’s not the fundamental reason. Most parents do it because, inherently, they want their child to believe they’re smart. Absolutely.

Now, my kids—they’re screwed up in a really good way, okay? I’ve got four children. Oldest is 18, youngest is 9. Three girls, one boy. They know if they come to me with a question, we’re going to go on a journey together.

Now, it’s not a situation where they say, “Hey Dad, what is such and such?” and I say, “Well, how do you think it is?” That’s not what I mean. But usually, the answer is within each one of us. And my only job as a parent is to facilitate that moment of self-discovery.

Let me give you a crazy example. A daughter came to me one time and said, “Why does the sun rise in the morning?” Now this is a classic case where we could explain it, or we can ask exactly the right questions so the child has an incredible moment of self-discovery.

So instead of just saying, “Well, this is how it works,” I literally went on this journey with her. I’d pose a question, and she’d come back with a thought. Then I’d ask another question, and you could see she was having these little moments. And suddenly she says, “I got it! I got it, Dad.” I said, “Okay, what is it?” And she said, “The sun’s actually not rising. The earth is moving, which makes the sun look like it’s rising.”

Now here’s what’s cool about that moment: she will own that as hers forever. She wasn’t told the sun doesn’t rise. In her mind, she discovered it.

Is it possible to do this with a prospect? Is it possible to do this with a client? With a team member? 100% yes. The sad reality is, the one skill we’ve lost the most as a society—that is not taught in universities, not taught in elementary, middle, or high school, not taught in the workplace—is the skill and art of effective communication.

The closest thing you see is occasionally sales teams being taught cheesy closing techniques. But if you go to most salespeople and ask, “Are you good at asking questions?” they’ll say yes. Then you do an activity where they’re forced to just ask questions to help a prospect, and you’ll see that 90-plus percent fail. It’s not what they have.

So when I look at something, I’m asking a series of questions—not just out of curiosity. I’m really trying to understand. I’m really trying to say, “Why is that the way it is?”

When I’m with an audience, I walk them through a journey by asking questions. And generally, they’re going to discover what I want them to know. My goal isn’t to tell them. It’s to help them discover it themselves.

Now, it’s hard to do this in a podcast format, because it’s a different medium. We can’t interact the same way. But if I could see the audience, it would have been a conversation the whole time, so they could keep having those self-discovery moments. Because “I heard it from Marcus, so it must be true”—that’s not the goal. I’m not trying to sound smart. I don’t want the audience or client—or even my kids—to worship me. I want them to say, “Who’s the hero here?” It’s the one who figured it out for themselves.

And when we feel like we discovered it, we own it. It becomes ours. We just might do it long term. It might become a part of who we are. But if we feel like it was forced on us, it’s not nearly as effective.

So here’s a quick litmus test. If your kids, coworkers, clients, or prospects consistently say to you, “Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. That’s what we need to do,” it means you’ve failed to induce a moment of discovery. But if they consistently say, “Wait a second—I know what we need to do now,” that means you are a world-class communicator.

It’s a major problem. At my agency, I have 100% college grads, and the biggest issue I face is helping them communicate in a way where they’re always on par with the client or prospect. It’s easily our biggest problem as a company.

And when there’s a feeling of not being on par with each other, that’s when you as the company start saying yes way more than you should. You don’t push back when you should. And all because you’re fearful of losing the prospect or the relationship—versus knowing that, if we’re on a equal plain here, and if I say something with love and respect that’s contrary to what they believe, and if I do it in the right context, they’re going to appreciate it.

This is the skill set that is the great lost art. And I don’t, for the life of me, understand why we don’t spend way more time talking about it. Marketers have the same issue—we’re all just communicating, right? We’re just doing it in different formats. On video, in articles… but the principles are all tied together.

What causes you to read the first two paragraphs of something and say, “I’m into this. I like this company. I like how this feels”? What causes you to watch a video and, within 30 seconds, say, “I really like this person”? What causes you to do the same when you’re listening to this podcast today and decide, “I either like this person or I don’t”?

These are all elements of how you’re communicating in the moment. And again, you don’t read about it, you don’t hear about it, and it’s not taught nearly enough. I really believe it’s a great tragedy.

Yeah. You know, this is a frustrating thing for me. I’ve started to teach a lot more about communication. A lot of people don’t know me for that. They know me for sales and marketing. They know me as the pool guy. But what I’m most passionate about is transformative communication—in the home, in the office, and on the stage—because that’s where you see this unbelievable domino effect that can change lives. It can have generational influence. I’ve seen it.

I’ve got to share this personal story with you, if that’s okay. By the way, I don’t have a go-to book I recommend. I wish I did. I always tell people my favorite is How to Win Friends and Influence People. I think it’s one of the greatest books of all time. Everyone should read it at least once every couple years. It’s almost 100 years old, and it’s still just as true today. That’s how you know it’s timeless.

So, I had an experience last week at a conference. I was teaching on communication, and a gentleman came up to me afterward while I was packing up. He said, “Can I have a personal conversation with you?” I said, “Sure, let’s do it.”

We stepped to the side. What I’m about to say might sound odd, but stay with me—it’ll make sense. He said, “Marcus, as you know, I was here with my wife today.” I had noticed them earlier while I was speaking. He said, “My wife and I were divorced at one time, and we’ve been back together for a while. But she does something that really bothers me. I don’t want it to, but it really does. She bites her nails. She does it at the wrong times, and it drives me crazy.”

Now, timeout. How would most people answer that question? And why is he even coming to me with this? I’m not a counselor, right? But he had just heard me talk about communication, so he asked. If you’re listening, think to yourself, “What would I have said?”

Here’s what I said: “Was there ever a time when she wasn’t biting her nails?” He said, “Well, now that you mention it, she stopped for about two years after we got back together.” That’s when I said, “Ah, now it’s clear.”

To make a long story short, I said, “I promise you this—during that two-year period, you were so invested in her. You made her feel loved, important, wanted. Weren’t you?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “My guess is you’re probably not doing that today, are you?” He said, “No.” I said, “If you go back to who you were then, I promise you—she’ll stop chewing her nails within the next six months. But this is all on you.” And by that point, Shane, he’s sobbing. He nods, and he walks away. That’s it.

Now, a couple things. This is fresh on my mind because it happened last week. I have experiences like this often. And the only way someone asks you something that personal is if they don’t feel threatened, if they don’t feel judgment. If we’re going to be our best selves, somehow, we have to release judgment. We’re not there to judge—we’re there to help them judge themselves, if anything.

So he didn’t feel threatened by me. He felt safe. That’s a lesson for me too. I ask myself, “Why did he come to me?” Not in a prideful way, but really—why me? A lot of people would’ve given surface-level answers. “Does she get her nails done at a salon?” “Have you tried that formula to stop nail-biting?” We say stupid things.

But if you see the world in the form of a question where you release —trying to give your answer, but you’re really searching for a moment of self-discovery… what happens is, he says something like, “There was a time she wasn’t doing it.”

As soon as I heard that, I knew we had our answer. And he knew what he needed to do. He realized, “She stopped because of me. I need to get back to the person I was.” That’s the beauty of seeing the world differently.

Yeah, right? And I appreciate that. At 41, which is how old I am today, I’ve come to accept that my calling isn’t always going to be sales and marketing. I think we misconstrue labels. When I was 23 or 24, a family member came to me and said, “I heard you started a pool company with a couple people.” I said, “Yeah.” She looked me square in the eye and said, “What a waste.” And I thought, I can’t believe you just said that.

Of course, that pool company—that pool story—has now been talked about all over the world. That allowed me, as the pool guy, to take the step toward becoming a sales and marketing speaker. That took me around the world. Eventually, people started asking me other questions. I realized there was more to unpack, which led to this next phase—communication.

So my 20s were about swimming pools. My 30s were about sales and marketing. And I think my 40s are going to be heavy into communication. That’s why we have to be careful thinking we know exactly where it’s all supposed to go or how we’re supposed to get there. If we let go of that and just obsess about, “Am I really making progress? Am I being my best self right now?”—then those other doors, the ones that are supposed to open, they will open at their own time. And then it’ll all make sense. We’ll look back and say, “Oh yeah, of course I was supposed to be a pool guy.”

Never. Never came back. But I’ve got a feeling she certainly ate crow. Just realized it. Who knows? But I only say that—not because it bothers me today. I’m actually really grateful she said it. It’s a beautiful thing to hear. It was a stimulus. It helped me recognize that it’s not about the label at all.

You know what an honor it is? People still say, “Do you mind telling the pool guy story again? I know you’ve said it a million times, Marcus.” I’m like, why would I mind? It’s such a foundational element of my life. It built me. I’ll always be a pool guy, even though I don’t sell pools anymore. I’ll always be that, and I’m thrilled with that.

Yeah, so you can email me directly. I always love hearing from people. It’s marcus@marcussheridan.com—S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N—so, marcussheridan.com.

They Ask You Answer is available on all major platforms. There’s a revised version that just came out last month, so make sure you look for the revised version. The audiobook, the current one is not me, but the next one that’s coming out in about six or seven weeks will be me narrating. Just want to give you a heads up if you’re listening that.

Please email me directly if you have questions, need guidance, or want to talk about sales, marketing, training—any of that stuff. I’m happy to help.

You’re welcome.